Tag Archives: Humour

Of April Rain, Cold, Audits and Lemons

Jillian here. April thus far has been interesting here in the panhandle of Florida. It’s been abnormally cold. We always get a lot of rain in the merry month of April (yeah, I know the poem says May) but this year, it’s different as it’s not a warm rain. The days are not sunny and lovely (not many anyway); rather, they are cold and overcast. It’s been in the 40s Fahrenheit at night and we even had a fire in the fireplace yesterday as it never got much over 45 all day with the overcast skies. My son was shocked when he saw I’d made a fire. He said, “It’s April, Mom.” My response, “And I’m cold.”

We had torrential rain already on several days and Saturday, the 7th was especially heinous. Hobbes wouldn’t even get out of the bed. Poor thing.

I have a position I have to be audited in every four years. It’s never a bad thing but it is stressful to have someone going through your records and giving you a grade on how you’re doing. That was last week, so I am in the clear for four more years. I collapsed when it was over on Friday and didn’t do much all weekend. I watched my beloved Liverpool play on Saturday (Had to get up at 6:30 am for that) and read a book by Christopher Fowler. He’s such a great story teller. This was a book from the year 2000 called Calabash.

Today, I went to lunch at Sonny’s BBQ and ordered iced tea. The waitress asked if I wanted lemons. I said no.  She not only ignored that, she brought not one, but two glasses of tea with three lemon slices each. When I was ready to leave, she brought me another in a takeaway cup with three more slices of lemon.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her I didn’t want all that so I left them in the drink. I think that qualifies for my good deed of the day, doesn’t it?

Stay warm, my friends! IMG_4356 (2)

Advertisements
Gallery

The Story of Old Blue

This gallery contains 1 photos.

Jillian here. I thought I’d share a bit of fun this month just because I laughed so hard at my husband over this. He and I disagree on what we like to drink out of. I like glass and crystal, … Continue reading

Words: Misused & Misheard

Jillian here. Hope everyone is having a good April so far. Mine has already had some ups and downs but rather than focus on the downs, I thought I’d talk about word usage and misheard words that lead to some interesting conversations.

The reason I have this on my mind was a phone conversation this week with 7 people on the line. We were discussing selling some property. One guy kept saying he was “weary” of a certain kind of sale. It was clear to me he meant “leery” but he kept saying the wrong thing. He couldn’t be weary of the type of sale as no sale took place for him to be tired.

Anyway, the conversation stayed with me and I started thinking about other times I’d heard wrong choices. Lots were with children which is to be expected and lots are people singing wrong words to songs.

Both of my kids used to say “just appeared” for “disappeared”

My husband would sing “the gypsy with the gold “tattoo” instead of gold “capped tooth” – love potion song

One friend used to sing “A shy best man” instead of “a sharp-dressed man” – ZZ Top song

When I was a kid, I’d sing that walking in a winter wonderland song as “later on we’ll perspire as we dream by the fire” – instead of “conspire” – but it made sense, right? Lol

When I went to college, I was stunned to hear some people say “onliest” instead of “only”

Also in college, where I went to school, they pronounced “Jordan” as “Jerden” -thank goodness that wasn’t my last name or I’d be absent always. It took me months to realize what they meant.

You English ladies will appreciate this one. I know a guy here who is named Beauchamp. He pronounces it “Bo-champ” not “Bee-chum”

I could go on but I’d like to hear from you guys. What are some misused or misheard words/lyrics you’ve come in contact with?

Vinnie Pie? Yes, Please! by Valerie J. Patterson

We walked into the joint and my eyes darted left, my gaze fastening on the man behind the counter, Plexiglas separating him from the patrons.  High above his head, a pizza dough spins several times before coming down and landing deftly on his fingers.  High into the air it rose again, spinning before landing once more on his hands.  Flour seasoned his dark hair gray.  His eyeglasses are speckled with flour as well.  The dough is spread out onto a large silver pan and is soon covered with rich tomato sauce perfectly seasoned with a blend of Italian spices.  Coarsely chopped cheese covers the sauce before the talented hands toss massive chunks of spicy Italian sausage, thick, mouthwatering slices of pepperoni, and various other toppings onto the pie.  A blast of heated air escapes the massive oven as the door is opened and the pie is swept inside.

My dad corrals my sisters and me to a table, but our gazes remain with Vincent, our favorite pizza maker.  We wait.  Not always silently, either.  But, we wait.  Finally, the waitress delivers a massive pizza pie—so large it makes other places’ larges look like mediums—and sometimes smalls.  Dad hefts a slice onto my plate and I attack it with a knife and fork because it’s way too big and too hot for my little hands.  Juices from the pepperoni rolls down my chin, but I don’t care.  The taste explosion taking place inside my mouth has my undivided attention.  Life doesn’t get any better than this.

And that’s how it was when I was a kid.  My dad would take us to Vincent’s Pizza Park and we would have—by far—the most fabulous pizza to be eaten on the face of the earth.  My dad used to quip that his daughters teethed on Vincent’s pizza crust.  Then he used to brag that his three daughters could put away more of a Vinnie pie than any three boys could.

Vincent’s was my father’s absolute favorite pizza parlor.  The place itself was nothing spectacular.  The walls were lined with Frank Sinatra memorabilia—including his prison record.  The tables were non-descript Formica with run-of-the-mill dining chairs.  The place was always packed, but the main attraction—outside of the fabulous pizza—was the parlor’s owner and resident pie maker, Vincent.  He always amazed me with his ability to toss dough, shape it on the catch, and toss it again.  He was an artist of the pizza-making type.

My family gathered at Vincent’s on the one-year anniversary of my dad’s death.  My sisters and I were there to remember the man who’d help to shape us into the women we’d become.  We were there to celebrate the man who’d first introduced us to a Vinnie pie.  And we were there to eat pizza in his honor.

Whenever possible, I try to go back to Vincent’s for a large half pepperoni/half sausage pizza and a soda.  The drive is a little longer as I now live 160 miles round trip away from Vincent’s, but it’s always worth the trip and the traffic!

Vincent’s is touted from Pittsburgh to Timbuktu as being the premier place for pizza.  People travel far greater distances than I to get a taste of home.  If you’re ever in Pittsburgh and have a hankering for pizza, travel to Vincent’s.  You won’t be disappointed.

These two photographs were taken at my last visit in December.  You might want to get a paper towel out to catch the drool before you look at them!  The pizza was as good as I remembered, and so worth the wait and the travel.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Until next time, may there be pizza-flavored memories in your life!

Is It Just Me… by Valerie J. Patterson

…Or has Hollywood scraped the very bottom of the barrel for what passes as television entertainment these days?

I am not a fan of reality TV.  In fact, other than Duck Dynasty, I do not watch reality TV.  But I have two friends who can’t get enough of it.  They often share their new finds with me.  Most of the time, my jaw drops open and I am either grossed out or completely astonished that these shows are not only on TV, but that people watch them.  Allow me to share:

Extreme Cheapskates–Now here’s a show that left me feeling ill.  As I understand it, this show was about a woman who was so utterly cheap that she went dumpster diving for food that she actually served guests at a dinner party she was hosting!!  Several of her guests ended up in the emergency room afterward.

Amish Mafia–The title by itself caused me to scratch my head.  The Amish have a mafia?  Really?  Apparently.  In one episode, a man went to the don and complained that a non-Amish man was pretending to be Amish and was selling pies alongside the road.  Two henchmen were dispensed to the site where the camera was actually turned off and a black screen came up with a message reading something akin to: What happened next was not suitable for viewing audiences.  This man will not be selling pies ever again.

Tattoo Nightmares–This is a show in which people who have hideous tattoos go to the very best tattoo artists in hopes they can turn their hideous ink into a work of art.

My Strange Addiction–a show about people who have really, really, really weird addictions.  In one episode there was a woman who owned several cats and she literally cleaned each one of them with her own tongue.

I just scratch my head and wonder why these people would want a camera to follow them around.  Honestly, if you licked cats or served your friends dumpster food, would you want the world to know??

What about you?  Are you a reality TV junky?  Tell me what you watch.

Until next time, be well and happy!  😛  😛