Tag Archives: Men

Odz n Enz by Valerie J. Patterson

I decided to finally voice my thoughts and figured this was as good a place as any.  What follows are musings and ponderings I either don’t have the answers to or have just been considering their plausibility.  Feel free to weigh in with a comment or an answer or a musing of your own.  Today is a bit of a thought free-for-all.

****    Last Thursday I was the guest speaker at a function for the 20th Century Woman’s Club, which is a charitable organization that–among other things–provides stuffed bears for children who are admitted to the hospital as well as providing funds for the upkeep of local playgrounds.  As I spoke about my book, The Lincoln Room, which is a ghost story, a section of the lights went out.  Everyone suggested the hostess slyly turned off one of the switches.  However, a closer inspection of said switches proved all were on, but the lights were still off.  Toward the end of my talk, the lights came on and remained on during the meal portion of the event until someone asked a question about The Lincoln Room after which the lights promptly went back out.  Definitely one of the odz in this blog today, wouldn’t you agree?

****    Why are a man’s dress pants called trousers while a woman’s dress pants are called slacks?

****    How come when women go to see a movie they sit side-by-side, but whenever two or more men go to see a movie they put one or more seats between each guy?

****    It’s hard work being a woman.  I mean just whose idea was it that women had to shave their legs and armpits?  Down through the ages, how did it come about that women had to have smooth legs and hairless pits?  Think about it.  Did Carl Caveman come home from the quarry one day, take a look at his wife’s hairy legs and decide then and there that she’d be more enticing beneath the bearskin without the hair on her legs?  And what about those pits?  After dragging the wife home after a dinner party of dinosaur eggs and tiger meat at Rocky Boulder’s cave, did Carl Caveman look down and suddenly become disgusted by Candy Caveman’s hairy armpits?  What served as the first razor?  A piece of sharpened flint?  Or perhaps Candy Caveman decided to heat up some tree sap and drizzled it on her legs.  Layering some banana leaves next, she waited a given amount of time and then ripped away, pulling out that offensive leg hair in the process.  Just how did this tradition come about?

****    Why is it that when a guy goes into a store to buy necessities he spends three bucks on a deodorant stick?  Yet, when a gal goes in for the same thing she spends half the national budget and comes out with a little gift bag containing half a dozen bottles, a few tubes, and some gadgets that resemble weapons of medieval torture.

Worst of all, we do this to ourselves in our strive to look younger, more attractive, less wrinkled and to walk around the mall with the same man who just spent three bucks on a deodorant stick, threw on a pair of black jeans and a polo shirt, and ten minutes later is asking if we’re ready yet.

****    Why are cats automatically drawn to the one person in the room who dislikes cats?

****    When did comic books stop being comic books and become graphic novels?

****    Why does most lipstick taste like something you’d find on the bottom of your shoe that you’d never in a million years smear across your lips?

****    I’ll leave you with this little tidbit that definitely fits into the odz category: I often put my blue tooth earpiece on just so I can sing in the car and not have passersby think I’m talking to myself.  😛  😛

I look forward to your thoughts and comments.  Until next time, I hope you are well and enjoying the first buds of spring.          Valerie