Two Buddies, a Russian Spy, and an Intern Walk Into a Bar In Transylvania by Valerie J. Patterson

Two buddies, a Russian spy, and an intern walk into a bar in Transylvania.  Sounds like the start to a good joke, right?  It could have been if I was a comedian and wrote my own material.  Instead, I offer you a couple movie reviews.

A Walk In The Woods stars Robert Redford and Nick Nolte, and was a very entertaining movie.  It was good to see these two men on the big screen again, too.  Barely recognized Nick Nolte, but without him the movie wouldn’t have been as good as it was.  His and Redford’s characters are as opposite as any two humans could be.  One is refined, the other not so much.  But, opposites often make the best pairs.  Redford plays a character who has spent his whole life in the career/family lane of the road of life.  He’s been successful in writing and in love, and everything about his life speaks fulfillment…until his friends begin dying and there’s one funeral too many, causing him to take stock in his life and what became of his dreams.  One night he makes the life-changing decision to hike the Appalachian Trail–the entire trail.  He goes through his phone book of friends and colleagues and invites each of them to accompany him.  One by one, they all turn him down, and he’s beginning to think he’ll have to do it alone.  One last call comes in.  Nolte’s character–whom Redford never called–asks if he can go on the trip.  This pleases Redford’s character’s wife and the two set of on an unforgettable adventure that resonates with any person at any stage of their life.  If you missed this one in the theaters, it’s worth the rental price.

The Intern stars Anne Hathaway and Robert DeNiro, and the two have exceptional chemistry and comedic timing.  Hathaway plays an over-stressed work-aholic who started her own Internet company that exploded into a huge success that leaves her reeling between work life and home life.  Enter DeNiro’s character as an intern in the company’s new initiative “Senior Interns”.  DeNiro’s character is living life after retirement and the death of his wife.  After traveling everywhere he’s ever wanted to go, he finds himself with wide open days and tons of time on his hands.  Boss and intern need one another–even if they don’t see it, don’t want it, and don’t accept it, which leads to laughs and lessons learned.  Again, if this is not still playing–as it is here in one or two theaters–it’s worth the rental price.

Bridge of Spies stars Tom Hanks as James Donovan, an American insurance attorney who’s chosen to represent a Russian spy arrested on American soil.  Donovan takes the case, and Hanks shines!  Donovan takes his job seriously and Russian spy or not, his client deserves a fair trial.  Too bad the judge and the jury don’t share the same thought process.  This true story shows humanity at its best and its worst.  When Joseph B. Wirthlin said, “The true greatness of a person…is evident in the way he or she treats those with whom courtesy and kindness are not required.” he was not speaking of James Donovan, but it certainly applies to him.  Catch this one in the theater or via rental, but catch it nonetheless!

And finally, Hotel Transylvania 2, the second installment written by and starring Adam Sandler.  The first movie was adorable and appealed to adults and children alike.  This offering–in my humble opinion–was just disappointing.  Steve and I actually apologized to the couple we had with us!  Dracula is waiting to see if his grandson is a vampire or–gasp–a mere mortal like the baby’s father.  The first movie was all about acceptance of those different from ourselves.  This offering seemed less so, though Dracula does become more accepting in the end, but only after…well, I won’t post a spoiler here on the off chance you have a burning desire to see Hotel Transylvania 2.

So, two buddies, a Russian spy, and an intern walk into a bar in Transylvania…

Until next time, may the movies you chose to see entertain you, warm your heart, and tickle your funny bone.

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar…Part Deux by Valerie J. Patterson

You might recall that back in 2012 I regaled you with a tale about using power tools, namely the power washer.  I’m sure it was one of those purely unforgettable stories that you then repeated many times around a campfire, the dinner table, and at the office water cooler!

When you’re done either laughing at my recollection or scratching your head while trying to recall what I am talking about, let’s move on to today’s “Roar”.

I am woman hear me roar…with a mower too big to ignore!

Steve and I bought a new lawn tractor and I am the operator of said tractor.  My first ride, I could feel the power as I zoomed up the driveway toward the front lawn.  I turned toward the lawn, lowered the blades, and smiled as thousands of pieces of grass confetti shot out the right side of the cutting deck.  My hair was pulled back, the wind was blowing across my face…and so was the grass I had just cut!

Note to self:  never mow into the wind unless you LIKE the taste of cut grass!

These days, I whip around the yard and zoom up and down the driveway.  It’s fun!

I’ve made good use of that power washer, too.  My porch furniture never looks better than after a fresh power washing!  It has a way of making everything shiny and new!

Plus, I can also add the snow blower to the list of power tools I have mastered.  Had plenty of opportunity to use that baby this past winter.  Kind of glad it’s been exchanged for the lawn tractor, though!

Until next time, may there be power tools in your life that make your life easier, comfier, and more beautiful!  Happy Spring, Y’all!!

TV vs. Real Life by Valerie J. Patterson

Okay, so I’ve been reading a lot of blog posts by authors that are just filled with anger, disbelief, and irritation over the season opening episode of Mike & Molly.  Apparently, Molly goes to a writing camp for several months and returns home with an advance check for a book she has yet to write.

Yep, you read that right.  Some publisher who attended the writer’s camp gave her an advance–and a hefty one at that–for a book she hasn’t written.  As she tells it, she wrote a chapter or two and the publisher loved it so much he gave her a check for thousands of dollars–enough to pay cash for a sports car–and a deadline to finish the manuscript.

The writers’ blogs I’ve been reading have the authors in an uproar.  All of them are peeved that Molly:

1. Got an advance on a book not yet written
2. Is an unknown, unproven writer who got an advance on a book not yet written
3. That the TV show erroneously depicts being a struggling writer as anything BUT difficult, disappointing, and–at times–displeasing

They’re not entirely wrong.  In real life, Molly is more likely to have gotten some writing tips from said publisher–if she got that much at a writing camp.

But this is television.  A comedy nonetheless.

Anyway, I decided to continue to watch the show to see how her progress goes, and I have to say the episode that aired Monday, February 9th is probably going to be ripped to shreds in blog posts by writers that exist in the real world…and I’m going to be one of them.

Molly takes her completed manuscript to her publisher and then has a follow-up meeting with said publisher.  She’s given a suggestion by said publisher that her book was good but could actually be a phenomenal success if suddenly–in the throes of passion–her heroine is transported to a new era in time.  She must bed a man in each time period she lands in hopes of finally landing back in the present and in the arms of her one true love.  Molly–afraid to reject the suggestion–goes home and tries unsuccessfully to make the revisions her publisher  has asked for.

As an aside here, allow me to tell you about one of my own encounters with a publisher.  My novel, Montana Reins, is a western about a strong-willed. stubborn, intelligent horse trainer making a name for herself in a man’s arena.  One publisher I submitted the synopsis to asked for the entire manuscript, which I sent.  I got back a positive response telling me the publishing house was very interested in signing me, but only if I was willing to make a couple changes to the manuscript.  Here are their requests (mind you, I had to pick which one I was willing to adhere to):

1. Could I change the time period to some point in the future (my choice of time) and have the entire book take place in outer space; or
2. Could I rewrite the book to 1700s Ireland

I passed on the publisher.  I have faith in my work and had I thought the plot would work in either time period, I would have written it in one or the other to begin with.  And, another publisher took the manuscript as written.  Now, let’s check in with Molly and see what she’s up to…

Back at the publisher’s office, she admits she cannot make the changes requested.  The publisher stands up and snidely tells her he owns her and will destroy her unless she does as he demands.  Dejected and demoralized, Molly goes home and works on the book.  Then we see her at the office of her publisher once more only this time she pulls a fast trick on him and sneakily gets him to change his mind.  It’s not enough that he falls for her ploy, but he also shrinks back and gives in to her demands.

Only in a television comedy could this happen between a writer and a publisher.  What upsets me is not that this isn’t a real world depiction of the relationship between a writer and a publisher, but that it passes as comedy.

I am secure enough in my talent to not be offended by what has taken place between Molly and her publisher.  However, as a television viewer I am disappointed in the plot, the characterization, and the dialogue.  My biggest question is not: Could this happen in real life?  No, my biggest question is: What has happened to sitcom writing today?

Until next time, I hope your television viewing is something to laugh at!