Give Me A Hammer! by Valerie J. Patterson

I need a really big hammer–but not so big that I can’t lift it!  Must have a smooth, flat surface and be easy to swing with near-perfect accuracy.  I’m thinking I need Thor’s hammer!  Or perhaps Thor and his hammer!

You may be wondering why I would need such a hammer.  Have you ever heard of the video game Whack A Mole?  That’s why I need such a hammer.

You see, there seems to be a family of moles residing in my beautiful backyard.  I mean, it has to be an entire family, right?  Everywhere you walk there are holes evidencing their intricate subsurface tunnel system.  Everywhere you walk there is loose earth that gives way beneath your feet so that you sink into the lawn.

They’ve taken to tunneling beneath my beautiful stone patio and are leaving mounds of earth behind causing the stones to rock and shift.  They’re tunneling–apparently they’re very hungry while digging tunnels–and they’re eating healthy plants along the way because two of my Azalea bushes have bit the dust.  Among the other plant casualties is one of my thickest grape vines that they’ve managed to eat through and kill.  This does not make me happy.  I used to have a lovely apricot Azalea tree, too.  There are only a few remaining live branches left because they’ve eaten through the roots.

So, I need a very large hammer so that when they venture to stick their vile little heads above the surface of my once beautiful lawn I can whack them on the head!  It might sound a little drastic, but I’m frustrated and nothing else has worked!  Besides, unless you have better solutions to suggest, I can get a good workout whacking them on the head!

Until next time, I hope the only pests in your outdoor space are butterflies whose fluttering wings add grace and beauty to your world!

PS…no moles were harmed during the writing of this blog!

8 responses to “Give Me A Hammer! by Valerie J. Patterson

  1. Oooh, boy. Not easy to deter or get rid of, those pesky moles. My husband fights them regularly, too. Gosh, I wish I had some good suggestions. They’ve destroyed a couple of my flowerbeds, too. Sigh. Good luck…and know that a lot of people, ourselves included, feel you pain. I’ve felt for a long time that once humanity is gone, it will be the crows and the moles that rule the world. 🙂

    • Valerie J. Patterson

      You could be right, Laurie about the end of the world and the crows and the moles. Someone told me to fight the moles with a ferret. Not sure which is worse! Another suggestion was poisonous gas…we’ll give that a big pass! So who knows. Maybe Thor’s hammer is the only thing that would work! 😛

      Currently, there are about a dozen ravens camping out in the backyard. Perhaps they will carry the moles off to some foreign land and devour them? Hmm, wonder if I could suggest that to them!

  2. Yep like Laurie said, we have these critters in the Pacific NW too. And, they are almost impossible to get rid of. We never looked into it but I’m wondering if there are exterminators that can get rid of them. It would be worth it from my stand point but I think it was a matter of pride for Jack. HE WOULD DO IT HIS SELF sort of mentality. 🙂

    • Valerie J. Patterson

      There is a lawn treatment service that will spray something on the lawn that kills the grubs, which is the food for the moles. But I am hesitant to put chemicals into the soil. IDK…still hoping for some magic trick someone has used successfully. Thanks, Lavada! 😛

  3. I wish I had a solution for you, Valerie (and one that didn’t involve big hammers). This must be incredibly frustrating for you, especially the damage that is being done to your patio and plants. Really hope you get to find a solution soon.

    • Valerie J. Patterson

      Thank you Tricia. So far, the ground mole is winning the fight, but I will not give up. The damage to the patio is the worst because it would require pulling up all the large, heavy patio stones, leveling the earth again, and relaying them. Big job! 😦

  4. Pesky critters live over here too, mercifully not in our backyard. I’ve heard of many solutions though can’t vouch that any of the work other than sitting by a hole on a dark night, shot gun at the ready. People have put toy windmills down the holes in the hope the vibration and noise will drive them away, there are special traps but then you still have to dispose of them, etc. I can only think a professional pest controller is the only answer but no doubt they cost a pretty penny. Good luck in finding a solution soon.

    • Valerie J. Patterson

      The professionals want to either put poison in the earth or spray a poisonous gas into their tunnels. Neither sounds good to me…or good for the soil. Might have to purchase a flashlight and a gun! Thanks for the suggestion, Kit! LOL

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