A Burden Shared

It’s three a.m and I can’t sleep. This week was supposed to be all about happiness and new beginnings. My son graduated from high school on Monday. We had a great day and are very proud of him. I sure thought the rest of the week would be wonderful as well leading up to his big bash on Saturday when about 50 family and friends would descend on our house for BBQ and swimming and honoring the graduate.

Since almost as soon as the ceremony was over, several things have happened to bring the joy down and cause me to be up at this hour praying for friends and feeling blue. One dear, dear friend suffered a terrible loss and I want to be near her to offer support but can only offer love from a distance. Two other friends have been deeply hurt by ugliness and all I can do is offer them an ear to listen to their sadness. I’ve already been hurt by the same contingent of people so I know how it feels and had moved on to the acceptance stage for my own loss but their angst is bringing me down. I know I need to be there for them but it’s really affecting me to be embroiled in the controversy again.

I’m an empath and have always been super sensitive to the feelings of sadness or happiness of others. I take these feelings into my own psyche. When things are good with the people I care about, it’s a wonderful thing. When things are not, it’s a physical pain I get in my heart.
I’m feeling this pain right now and can’t seem to settle it down to allow myself to rest.

So, this is not one of my usual lighthearted posts, but we all know part of this journey (sometimes a big part) called life can be hard. I’m weary right now. Tired to the bone.

Pray for my friends that they find peace in what they are each going through. After all, a burden shared is a load lightened. I know you all will share this grief I’m feeling for my friends and help me in the process to move past the ache in my own heart for them.

Thanks for being such a great community to belong to. I’m privileged to call you each my friends.

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17 responses to “A Burden Shared

  1. Well said, my friend. I echo your sentiments wholeheartedly. That being said, I will also be hoping you can shed the sadness and enjoy this exciting chapter in your son’s life. Congratulations to your son (AND to you) for graduating. 🙂 Enjoy the party this weekend and give (and get) lots of hugs.

    • Thanks Laurie. I plan to get my quota of hugs this weekend. I need them!. and thanks for the congrats. It is a wonderful thing for him! And me!

      Interestingly enough, one of the friends I was grieving over last night basically gutted me today and now I have sadness about that. Why kick me when all I have is her best interests at heart? Very sad.

  2. Such a poignant post, Jillian. It’s hard being away from the special people in our lives when we would dearly love to be closer to comfort them in desperately sad times. But I’m sure our thoughts and prayers reach them on some level.

    As far as what happened last night, you can at least be comforted in the knowledge that you had your friend’s best interest at heart and that they perhaps reacted out of pain.

    Many congrats to your son and enjoy the weekend. Sending you a big cyber hug!

    • Thanks Tricia, for the good wishes for my son and the hug. And yes, I believe our thoughts and prayers reach our friends on some level as well but I know you know it’s hard not to physically be there to hold them as they grieve. As to the other situation, I’ve decided I need to try to distance myself from the whole thing because the hurtful things are dragging me down and life is hard enough without that kind of gratuitous pain someone chooses to inflict for no reason. So, hopefully, today will be drama free. At least for me.

  3. Very moving post, Jillian. First, my congratulations to your son. You must feel so proud. It is frustrating and heartbreaking people and life can be so cruel at times but I am confident your friends know you are there to support, even from a distance. Your friend was no doubt in a lot of pain too, that can make people say things out of character or turn. Pain and hurt will heal in the fullness of time. A group hug in order, methinks.

    • Thanks Kit for the kind words about my son. And yes, I am very proud of him. He’s a good kid.

      And yeah, I know my friend is in pain but now I am as well from her words when all I ever tried to do was protect her and be there for her. Lashing out at me was very hurtful and the really sad thing was, I wasn’t supposed to know she did it. Her excuse when I asked her why she did it was “I didn’t mean to hit the ‘reply all’ button”. So that doubly hurt that she was tossing me under the bus wheels and I wasn’t supposed to know. I’ve told her I forgive her because it’s the right thing to do but I’m wary now.

      Alas, I sometimes feel I’m still in junior high with all the drama. Lol.

  4. Good Morning Jillian. I’m finally back and catching up a bit. Our grandson graduates this Sat and then next week we are planning a family zip line party up on Camano Is. As much trouble as the family has had getting this kid through school we thought a zip line was appropriate. Sometimes I think his problems are because he’s too smart. So why do the do dumb things???

    My cousin was here with me and said she was an empath. I know of course that she is exceptionally kind and caring and always there for me but I hadn’t heard the term before. Take care of yourself. A body and heart can only hold so much.

    • Have a nice time at graduation and then the zip party. I know what you mean about kids being too smart for their own good. Have one of those. LOL! Congrats to the grandson!

      I didn’t know the term empath until about five years ago when a friend told me that was what I am. It’s a hard thing sometimes but it’s also a gift. I know that. And yeah, sometimes it’s almost too much for me, but eventually, I get okay.

  5. Valerie J. Patterson

    I am sorry for your hurt, Jillian. It would appear your friend is not so much your friend as she is your acquaintance. Were she a friend, your feelings would have been first on her heart, not last. I gave this advice to a friend of mine this week also. She was lamenting about the cruelty she has suffered at the hands of her “best friend” (who is really very little more than her drinking buddy). As I listened to her, I asked her if she had ever treated a friend so shabbily and her response was that this week she learned a new definition to the word FRIEND. There is only one definition, and sadly some people never learn it. You clearly are a friend, and know what that means. In time, I suspect your heart will mend, but I wonder if your relationship will ever be the same. Words, like toothpaste squeezed out of the tube, can never be pulled back inside. You offered her forgiveness, but it doesn’t sound like she asked for it, which she should have. To have you for a friend, Jillian, is like being blessed with a precious gift.

    Congratulations to your son on his graduation. I genuinely hope the next chapter in his life comes with even greater success and reward. Enjoy yourself at the party. You deserve to celebrate with those who cherish you and what you add to their lives! 😛

  6. What great advice, Valerie. You are so right. A real friend considers the feelings of the other all the time. I treasure my friends and try to see the best in them. Sadly, I sometimes feel that because I try to be there for them always, that I get a bit pushed to the side. It’s almost like some of these ladies think that since I usually seem quite together that I don’t get hurt and they don’t have to consider my feelings.

    I don’t think this person is malicious, I just think she is oblivious or so blinded by her own hurt and angst that she didn’t even stop for a minute to think how she was affecting me. She has apologized again and I’m not a person who holds grudges so I’ll move past it, but I’ll also be more circumspect in the future.

    Thanks for the good wishes for the graduate. He’s pretty happy but I’m going to have to kill him over the thank you notes. LOL – He’s being ever so slow in getting them done. Looking forward to the family time tomorrow and hoping for no drama with anyone in my circle to ruin the good time! And if they DO have drama, that they don’t include me in the email or text message about it.

  7. And thanks, also, Valerie for the sweet words about my friendship being a precious gift. That means a lot!!!

    • Valerie J. Patterson

      Hope all went well yesterday, Jillian. Was thinking of you and your family.

      • Thanks Valerie. It was very nice. We expected fifty people and got thirty seven which was amazing because we had torrential rains- 13″ in less than 24 hours and lots of people were flooded and couldn’t get here. We are actually now under a state of emergency and more rain is falling. But the party was wonderful. Thanks for thinking of us and for asking. True friendship there. Love ya!

      • Mike’s graduation was outside too and it was sooo cold with winds blowing to the point that they were worried about the tents. But no rain 🙂 We didn’t do a party as the grads had their own at the school. Next week we’re going on the zip line which will be an early long day.

        I thought about you as you’re what 4 hours ahead of us.

      • Brr. Sounds like your graduation was quite blustery. Mine actually graduated on Monday and they did the whole all night lock-in thing then. This was the family party yesterday. Zip line sounds fun. Hope it doesn’t rain on you.

        We are 2 hours ahead of you. We’re on Central time.

      • Valerie J. Patterson

        I’m glad you had such a good turn out despite the weather. Very sorry about the state of emergency, and I hope the rain abates very soon. Take care and stay safe!

        Lavada, sounds like a very chilly ceremony! Let me know how the zip line party goes next week! Enjoy yourself and the company of your family and friends! 😛

      • Thanks Valerie. I think it says a lot for our friends and family to make such a big effort. Esp since some had to drive 2 hours each way.

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